In this article, I shall describe the most important attributes and activities to ensure success. I define success as being popular, powerful, rich, free and happy. A series of disciplines can show you the path but only you can tread it.

“I can provide the recipes but you must do the cooking.”

We all want to be popular. Every human being longs to be loved. Some deny that they feel this way. They really need help because they are denying a basic requirement of life. There is nothing wrong with seeking popularity but it must be sought in moderation. The desire becomes dangerous when it becomes more important than everything else. Most people go through short phases of desperately needing to be popular. That's all right as long as the need doesn't last. A normal wish to be liked by our friends and family is healthy. Indeed, if families devoted more effort to being nice to each other much pain and suffering would be spared.

Think about the people you like. Do they talk about themselves all the time? Of course not. If they did you wouldn't like them. So to be popular you must think of the other person. Most of us are wrapped up in ourselves a lot of the time. At its worst it is called selfishness and it is a serious problem. If you think it is someone else’s problem, you are probably wrong; it is more likely a problem for you.

Interesting people are nearly always popular. An interesting person is one who asks you a lot of questions about yourself, your life, your work, your play, your ambitions, your fears. They show a genuine interest in your views. They want your opinions. They may themselves have many excellent stories to tell; they may be wise beyond their years. If they are clever they will work their stories and wisdom into the way they generate your interest – through the questions they ask you. Success or failure for them is the response you give. It is rare indeed for someone not to respond when the subject being discussed is the most interesting in the world – the person themselves.

Interesting people are generally popular, but not always. They need to be nice as well. That means dealing decently with people, showing concern and care, helping when a hand is needed. That help must consist of two quite distinct elements.

One is demeanour - how you appear to others. In a nutshell, smile. People who smile genuinely generate warmth and a special, non-threatening intimacy. There’s another aspect to being nice, being polite. The encyclopaedia says that the purpose of politeness is to make all of the parties to an exchange relaxed and comfortable with one another. Think of politeness as giving face to the other person. We do it to those we meet socially and don’t know very well. Do we do it to our loved ones, within the family, to our colleagues at work? We should. The rude person, however loved, is never popular.

The other way to help I call ‘sleeves’ – roll them up and get on with it. Some people are better at one, some at the other. If you can do both you will be truly popular.

Will being popular make you successful? By itself, no, but it is a prerequisite to the other four forms of success. Without it, don’t bother going any further.

* * *

John Bittleston blogs at TerrificMentors.com, a site that provides mentoring for those who wish a change in career or job, wanting to start a business or looking to improve their handling of people (including themselves).

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